Why?

The word 'Grief' is synonomous to death, but the stages of Grief is not only applied to mourning the loss of a person/animal.

Personally, I am grieving the inability to use my body to its fullest potential.

In grad school, I took a Loss and Bereavement class. One of our many 15+ papers was to write a paper about.. loss and bereavement, any topic of choice.

At that time, I injured myself physically back to back. Started with a pulled hamstring, then excess fluid in my knee, then spraining my other knee when I fell skating. I was so depressed because I couldnt run anymore, I had to use a ghetto cane to walk, and it took about 15 minutes to go up and down my three flights of stairs. This was in the beginning of 2007.

When it came time to write this paper, I thought long and hard in my own life and tried to see what grief, beyond the grief of a death, I had encountered. Reviewing Kubler-Ross' stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, I realized that I experienced every one of those stages when I couldnt run anymore, much less walk without limping and being in excruciating pain. Even sitting in class was painful. It was like bolts of electricity randomly being jolted into my knee and I would jump and flinch, and then get embarassed when my classmates would turn and look while I pretended to not know what they were looking at.

So, I used my own experience and decided if I was going to spend hours researching and putting this 20 page paper together, I might as well get some personal use out of it. I embarked on my research journey and decided to write my paper on sports injury and grief. Through my research, I realized that I needed to broaden it to just plain ol physical injury and grief. The two most prevalent was sports injury and combat injury.

It hadn't occured to me that another stressor for soldiers that served was the loss of limbs and the grief they were experiencing. They were once the warriors of our country, and now they are confined to two wheels that limit their abilities to freely do as they please like they once did. Whats worse is that some of these soldiers had to beg and plead with the VA to get proper medical treatment. Usually, they were just pumped with pain pills... which leads to addiction. So, now they are limbless and an addict. What does this remind you of? Ever notice the man sitting on the exit of Publix or Walmart with a homeless sign? or the cardboard handwritten note on the back of his wheelchair that says "vietnam vet" ? They got there by serving for our country, and our country makes it extremely difficult for them to try to lead a normal life afterwards.

Vets that come into detox all tell me the same story: "we have to make an appt with the VA two to three weeks in advance just to get evaluated. I need help NOW. I cannot wait that long." Once they have the appointment, it isnt even guaranteed that they can go into treatment. So why is signing up for the military a guarantee that they will serve for their country, but signing up for medical treatment and addiction treatment afterwards isnt? Its all a croc of shit in my opinion. Im persoanlly tired of begging and pleading with the social workers at the VA to provide something for these vets.

However, we at one point in time have seen a basketball or a football game, and rooted for our star player that got injured to heal quickly and get back out there. He may sit out for 2- 3 games, but sure enough he receives the BEST medical treatment and is playing again.

Where have we gone wrong? Where is the justice?

I'm too stubborn to stop running when my strict orders are the specifically stop running until I get my knee surgery. I refuse to let my body dictate what I can do and I feel like I can mentally control the healing of my body. Sounds crazy but I strongly believe in holistic healing. Why is it that I can utilize my insurance company for my surgery, or I can utilize my holistic healer [yes, I have a holistic healer- a hippie-esque woman that fascinates me.]. Why is that these famous players can utilize the best medical treatment out there for their injuries. But, why is it that men and women that serve for our country has to go through wits ends to get proper services from qualifed people??

It just doesnt make any sense.