Family Values

I enjoy Mondays. I like coming into my office and organzing my files, catching up with absentee clients, thinking of that weeks activity for session and group.. its fun to me and I really enjoy it. With every profession, there is always that one thing that we can do without if we had our choice. For me, its documentationg. I HATE DOCUMENTING. I really really really really hate it. Did I mention that.... I HATE IT??? It was music to my ears when my supervisor told me that with DV [dometic violence] victims, the less we write is better. Definitely the compelte opposite in child welfare where it was engrained in our brains: if you didnt write it down, it didnt happen.

So its Monday and to my left are a stack of files that need to be updated with notes. Its not so bad today.. I'm jamming to Pandora [the Jazmine Sullivan station specifically- now playing Jill Scott]. Im noticing a trend though... "DV counselor and client made associations between abuser and family upbringing."

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

During this afternoon's staff meeting, the therapist and I spoke about sexual assault and the high prevelence of sexaul assualt victims with mental health disorders. What came first? Were they violated first, then experienced mental health issues because of that; or did their mental illness cause them to be vulernable which in turn caused them to be victimized?

We started talking about our very first memory. My first memory is at age 4. I remember sitting in a stair case with my brothers watching my mom throw my father's belongings out the door and fighitng back and forth. I remember feeling scared because I had no idea what was going on. My next memory was living in DR [Dominican republic] and being around family. We decided that this immediate action -- being removed from that family left [bye bye to my life in New york] an being around family and feeling "safe" may have prevented me from acquiring any major issues surrounding abandonment and insecurity.

However, if that had not occured, what would be of my mental stability? As counselors, therapists, social workers, psychologists, etc etc, we have to be cognizant of the immense impact our family life has on us. If I was not removed from that situation, I probably would have grown up living in fear and uncertainty every time my mom and father fought. That leads to feeling out of control of my life, which leads to compensating as an adult-- doing anything I can to be IN control.

There is no perfect family and granted, there will be stressors and crisis in a child's life. That is inevitable and unavoidable. It's the immediate aftermath that makes all the difference. Do the parents believe the child was victimized? What actions does he or she take to keep them safe? Are the parents doing the victimization?

Its important to take a good look at your family life and be real with yourself of any unresolved issues you have. I compare a relationship to a car. Every part has to work correctly and has to function, otherwise, your likely to pay for it in the end and be stuck with a machine that will break down and not be dependable.