I enjoy Mondays. I like coming into my office and organzing my files, catching up with absentee clients, thinking of that weeks activity for session and group.. its fun to me and I really enjoy it. With every profession, there is always that one thing that we can do without if we had our choice. For me, its documentationg. I HATE DOCUMENTING. I really really really really hate it. Did I mention that.... I HATE IT??? It was music to my ears when my supervisor told me that with DV [dometic violence] victims, the less we write is better. Definitely the compelte opposite in child welfare where it was engrained in our brains: if you didnt write it down, it didnt happen.
So its Monday and to my left are a stack of files that need to be updated with notes. Its not so bad today.. I'm jamming to Pandora [the Jazmine Sullivan station specifically- now playing Jill Scott]. Im noticing a trend though... "DV counselor and client made associations between abuser and family upbringing."
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
During this afternoon's staff meeting, the therapist and I spoke about sexual assault and the high prevelence of sexaul assualt victims with mental health disorders. What came first? Were they violated first, then experienced mental health issues because of that; or did their mental illness cause them to be vulernable which in turn caused them to be victimized?
We started talking about our very first memory. My first memory is at age 4. I remember sitting in a stair case with my brothers watching my mom throw my father's belongings out the door and fighitng back and forth. I remember feeling scared because I had no idea what was going on. My next memory was living in DR [Dominican republic] and being around family. We decided that this immediate action -- being removed from that family left [bye bye to my life in New york] an being around family and feeling "safe" may have prevented me from acquiring any major issues surrounding abandonment and insecurity.
However, if that had not occured, what would be of my mental stability? As counselors, therapists, social workers, psychologists, etc etc, we have to be cognizant of the immense impact our family life has on us. If I was not removed from that situation, I probably would have grown up living in fear and uncertainty every time my mom and father fought. That leads to feeling out of control of my life, which leads to compensating as an adult-- doing anything I can to be IN control.
There is no perfect family and granted, there will be stressors and crisis in a child's life. That is inevitable and unavoidable. It's the immediate aftermath that makes all the difference. Do the parents believe the child was victimized? What actions does he or she take to keep them safe? Are the parents doing the victimization?
Its important to take a good look at your family life and be real with yourself of any unresolved issues you have. I compare a relationship to a car. Every part has to work correctly and has to function, otherwise, your likely to pay for it in the end and be stuck with a machine that will break down and not be dependable.
23 February 2009
21 February 2009
Dear sir, you SUCK
I must vent.
There is one specific psychiatrist at Detox that I absolutely despise. He is the head psychiatrist, but he is a croc of shit.
He does a disservice to our clients. He says all the clients are exaggerating their symptoms, he complains about doing psych evals, he berates the employs, orders us around like we are a part of his polgamy family. He is disrespectful to staff, to clients, to anyone that walks past him. I cannt stand this man and refuse to even speak to him. Everyone else calls it a "cultural difference". FUCK THAT. Not everyone from the middle east disrespects women and thinks that a penis means he is above all.
This agency serves the addicts of the 8 surrounding counties. We are the only psychiatric hospital in the 8 surrounding counties as well. NO ONE at this agency gets paid for how much we work. This agency doesn't have a very good reputation as well. HOWEVER, this is all obvious. It's not a surprise to anyone and my vendetta is this: why apply, interview, accept the position if you don't give a fuck? Go somewhere else. If you think you're better than everyone else, go somewhere else. LEAVE.
I'm sitting here typing this while he is with a client and all I want to do is yell at him and bitch at him and tell him to just QUIT. Go back to Israel or wherever the hell you came from. No one is forcing you to work at this agency and I'm sure since you think you're the shit, it wouldnt be problem to work anywhere else.
The worse part of it all? This psychiatrist has had SO MANY complaints against him, but NOTHING gets done. All he does is sign scripts and overmedicate the addicts.
Deep breath in.... slowly exhale out.....
Deep breath in...slowly exhale out....
There is one specific psychiatrist at Detox that I absolutely despise. He is the head psychiatrist, but he is a croc of shit.
He does a disservice to our clients. He says all the clients are exaggerating their symptoms, he complains about doing psych evals, he berates the employs, orders us around like we are a part of his polgamy family. He is disrespectful to staff, to clients, to anyone that walks past him. I cannt stand this man and refuse to even speak to him. Everyone else calls it a "cultural difference". FUCK THAT. Not everyone from the middle east disrespects women and thinks that a penis means he is above all.
This agency serves the addicts of the 8 surrounding counties. We are the only psychiatric hospital in the 8 surrounding counties as well. NO ONE at this agency gets paid for how much we work. This agency doesn't have a very good reputation as well. HOWEVER, this is all obvious. It's not a surprise to anyone and my vendetta is this: why apply, interview, accept the position if you don't give a fuck? Go somewhere else. If you think you're better than everyone else, go somewhere else. LEAVE.
I'm sitting here typing this while he is with a client and all I want to do is yell at him and bitch at him and tell him to just QUIT. Go back to Israel or wherever the hell you came from. No one is forcing you to work at this agency and I'm sure since you think you're the shit, it wouldnt be problem to work anywhere else.
The worse part of it all? This psychiatrist has had SO MANY complaints against him, but NOTHING gets done. All he does is sign scripts and overmedicate the addicts.
Deep breath in.... slowly exhale out.....
Deep breath in...slowly exhale out....
Former addict gives homeless veterans a second chance
PALM BEACH, Florida (CNN) -- Following a faint trail through a dense patch of woods in Florida's Palm Beach County, Roy Foster is a man on a mission.
Roy Foster's facility, Stand Down House, has helped about 900 male veterans since 2000.
Foster, 53, is searching for homeless veterans -- and he knows where to look.
Whether in a vacant lot behind a supermarket or a small clearing off the highway, homeless vets aren't that hard to find: One in three homeless adults has served in the military, and more than 150,000 veterans nationwide are homeless on any given night, according to the Veterans Administration.
Working with the sheriff's homeless outreach unit, Foster finds vets camped in tents or makeshift lean-tos, where he delivers a message: There's help for you if you want it.
"For our heroes to be living in [these] conditions, it's totally unacceptable," said Foster.
Since 2000, approximately 900 veterans have found life-changing help at Foster's facility, Stand Down House. Named for the military command that gives troops time to rest after arduous duty, the program provides homeless male vets food, shelter and a safe place to recover, as well as the tools to conquer their personal problems.
"The idea is that they can relax now; we'll take care of them," Foster said.
Foster's motivation to help these men is personal: He used to be one of them.
Born in rural Georgia, he joined the Army right after high school. During his six years in the military, he began drinking and experimenting with drugs. He was an alcoholic by the time he left the Army in 1980, and his drinking and drug use escalated as he struggled to adjust to civilian life.
He spent the next decade battling his addictions, and at his lowest, he slept in flophouses or on the streets.
"I was pretty much out of control," Foster said. "I felt hopeless, helpless, ashamed and inadequate."
While struggling to get clean, Foster had difficulty finding a program that accepted veterans and provided the recovery services he needed, he said. The experience inspired him to design a program specifically for his brothers-in-arms.
"That's when the commitment in my heart was born," Foster said.
By the early 1990s, Foster settled into a life of sobriety, becoming a substance abuse counselor. Seeing that many vets continued to fall through the cracks, he joined forces with another vet, the late Don Reed, and established the nonprofit Faith*Hope*Love*Charity. After six years, Faith*Hope*Love*Charity created Stand Down House.
Now five buildings in total, Stand Down House provides transitional housing and support services to 45 veterans in different stages of recovery.
When vets arrive -- through referral by the Veterans Administration, which largely funds the program -- they receive meals, housing, clothing, counseling and transportation to the VA hospital for additional medical and mental health care.
After 30 to 60 days, eligible veterans must begin to look for work or attend school, but they can continue receiving housing, case management, addiction counseling and life skills classes for as long as two years. Successful veterans are eligible for the program's final component: permanent, sober-living housing.
The camaraderie the veterans find with each other at Stand Down House is another vital component of their recovery process.
"It was great to realize that other vets had been through similar experiences," said Matt Robinson, 28, who served in Iraq as a member of the U.S. Army National Guard.
With their past as a common bond, vets often become informal counselors to each other, helping one another stay on track.
"We have each others' backs," said Joey Elluzzi, a Vietnam veteran.
Many graduates find the companionship so valuable that they return as volunteers.
As of 2008, Stand Down House reported that 93 percent of its eligible residents found work and 84 percent of graduates went on to live independently. Foster and his staff are now working with other programs around the country, sharing what they've learned.
Despite his program's success, Foster said, there's more work to do. A new wave of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan is appearing at Stand Down House, and Foster said he's determined to serve -- and save -- this next generation.
When asked why he does this, he simply answers, "It's my calling."
But for those Foster has helped, there's nothing simple about his achievements.
"If you could see the people when they come in here -- how they look, act and smell -- and then see them after, being a positive part of society, I don't know how you couldn't call Roy a hero," veteran Keith Coleman said. "Think of all the lives he's changed."
Roy Foster's facility, Stand Down House, has helped about 900 male veterans since 2000.
Foster, 53, is searching for homeless veterans -- and he knows where to look.
Whether in a vacant lot behind a supermarket or a small clearing off the highway, homeless vets aren't that hard to find: One in three homeless adults has served in the military, and more than 150,000 veterans nationwide are homeless on any given night, according to the Veterans Administration.
Working with the sheriff's homeless outreach unit, Foster finds vets camped in tents or makeshift lean-tos, where he delivers a message: There's help for you if you want it.
"For our heroes to be living in [these] conditions, it's totally unacceptable," said Foster.
Since 2000, approximately 900 veterans have found life-changing help at Foster's facility, Stand Down House. Named for the military command that gives troops time to rest after arduous duty, the program provides homeless male vets food, shelter and a safe place to recover, as well as the tools to conquer their personal problems.
"The idea is that they can relax now; we'll take care of them," Foster said.
Foster's motivation to help these men is personal: He used to be one of them.
Born in rural Georgia, he joined the Army right after high school. During his six years in the military, he began drinking and experimenting with drugs. He was an alcoholic by the time he left the Army in 1980, and his drinking and drug use escalated as he struggled to adjust to civilian life.
He spent the next decade battling his addictions, and at his lowest, he slept in flophouses or on the streets.
"I was pretty much out of control," Foster said. "I felt hopeless, helpless, ashamed and inadequate."
While struggling to get clean, Foster had difficulty finding a program that accepted veterans and provided the recovery services he needed, he said. The experience inspired him to design a program specifically for his brothers-in-arms.
"That's when the commitment in my heart was born," Foster said.
By the early 1990s, Foster settled into a life of sobriety, becoming a substance abuse counselor. Seeing that many vets continued to fall through the cracks, he joined forces with another vet, the late Don Reed, and established the nonprofit Faith*Hope*Love*Charity. After six years, Faith*Hope*Love*Charity created Stand Down House.
Now five buildings in total, Stand Down House provides transitional housing and support services to 45 veterans in different stages of recovery.
When vets arrive -- through referral by the Veterans Administration, which largely funds the program -- they receive meals, housing, clothing, counseling and transportation to the VA hospital for additional medical and mental health care.
After 30 to 60 days, eligible veterans must begin to look for work or attend school, but they can continue receiving housing, case management, addiction counseling and life skills classes for as long as two years. Successful veterans are eligible for the program's final component: permanent, sober-living housing.
The camaraderie the veterans find with each other at Stand Down House is another vital component of their recovery process.
"It was great to realize that other vets had been through similar experiences," said Matt Robinson, 28, who served in Iraq as a member of the U.S. Army National Guard.
With their past as a common bond, vets often become informal counselors to each other, helping one another stay on track.
"We have each others' backs," said Joey Elluzzi, a Vietnam veteran.
Many graduates find the companionship so valuable that they return as volunteers.
As of 2008, Stand Down House reported that 93 percent of its eligible residents found work and 84 percent of graduates went on to live independently. Foster and his staff are now working with other programs around the country, sharing what they've learned.
Despite his program's success, Foster said, there's more work to do. A new wave of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan is appearing at Stand Down House, and Foster said he's determined to serve -- and save -- this next generation.
When asked why he does this, he simply answers, "It's my calling."
But for those Foster has helped, there's nothing simple about his achievements.
"If you could see the people when they come in here -- how they look, act and smell -- and then see them after, being a positive part of society, I don't know how you couldn't call Roy a hero," veteran Keith Coleman said. "Think of all the lives he's changed."
20 February 2009
Just Do It
You never know how bad it was until something better comes along and shows you how it really should be done.
Last year I *thought* Pulse Staffing Agency had it together. They paid for my travel and lodging in Atlanta for my interview, they paid the $500 for my social care reigstration with GSCC [required registration for UK social workers. The entire process was supposed to take about 6 months.
Thankfully, [but I didnt see it at that time], they ruined things with the immigration office and were denied work permits.
Fast forward to a year later, I received my contract in e-mail with my current agency. There were three issues that I had, I was not going to budge, and I would have said No to London if those three issues weren't changed. Issue number one, my address was incorrect [ok this isnt a big deal I know], issue number two, it said my location was yet to be determined within Croydon. After doing my research and speaking to Londoner's i found on Craiglist, I was told to stay the heck away from North Croydon. North Croydon, among South, East, and Central, are one of the four locations they can put me in. At my interview I requested Central London, specifically, short term assessments. Basically, I do NOT want to do child protection services. I cant be with a family for years and see the same shit over and over again. I want to be in and out. So, I chose the equal of investigations. 45 days is max my case will be open. I will be first on scene after an abuse allegation, I'll determine if there is abuse, i'll determine what the services will be. I LOVE IT. Anyone that knows me and my work ethic, I NEED to be in charge. I hate having a boss over me, and if I do, I have havign a boss that micromanages every little thing. The way I see it, if I was hired for a job, LET ME DO MY DAMN JOB. I'm competent enough to ask for help if I need it, and if I dont ask for help, DONT HELP ME.
Ok back to the point. The contract stated that my location was to be determined, which means that they had not given me my preference in job type. The only place for the Assessments team is Central Croydon. If they send me to protective services, I can be placed in North or South Croydon. The third issue is that they put a statement about getting a car. I specifically stated in my interview I will not get a car. I am dead set on this because the first agency told us the same thing. One girl that is already in Herefordshire was told she had to get a car and is now paying a buttload of money to get one, learn how to drive there [remember, they are on the oppostie side of the road and its all stick].
I replied with the above issues, and I swear, within 20 minutes I had a revised contract in my inbox, with it stating that I will be working in Assessments, in Central Croydon, will not be required to get a car and will use the train [Tube, metro].
Their speed and organization is such a breath of fresh air and I am so extremely happy to work with this staffing agency. Reed is absolutely the best.
What I think is a barrier can also be a lifesaver. Two weeks ago my staffing rep told me that before I apply for my entry Visa, I need to show 3 months of consecutive funds equal or greater than $1200, to show that I can afford my first month in the UK before my pay comes. I had another crying attack because I JUST spent that amount of money on my car when it broke down. It seemed like I just couldnt get a break. I wanted to use my income tax to pay off my credit cards, but now I had to save it !! THANKFULLY, my return was more than $1200 and I now have that barrier crossed off the list. After thinking more, I decided that when my lease ends [June 15, 2009], if I am not in the UK yet, I am moving in with my brother in Tampa, will use this money I saved to help pay the bills for awhile and look for a job in Tampa. I feel suffocated in Tallahassee and hate every moment that I am here.
However, I will do everything I possibly can to be a social worker in Europe, I dont care what needs to happen, but I WILL get there and nothing will stop me from accomplishing my goal.
My lesson in all this: Do not question why something bad happens, why things wont go your way, why this, why that. God has a plan, trust Him. However, he will only give you the inner strength to get up and try again, but YOU have to go for what you want. Its ok to bitch and moan and cry, but after your self pity session, DO SOMETHING about it. Zip your lips and turn on the engine and get moving.
Last year I *thought* Pulse Staffing Agency had it together. They paid for my travel and lodging in Atlanta for my interview, they paid the $500 for my social care reigstration with GSCC [required registration for UK social workers. The entire process was supposed to take about 6 months.
Thankfully, [but I didnt see it at that time], they ruined things with the immigration office and were denied work permits.
Fast forward to a year later, I received my contract in e-mail with my current agency. There were three issues that I had, I was not going to budge, and I would have said No to London if those three issues weren't changed. Issue number one, my address was incorrect [ok this isnt a big deal I know], issue number two, it said my location was yet to be determined within Croydon. After doing my research and speaking to Londoner's i found on Craiglist, I was told to stay the heck away from North Croydon. North Croydon, among South, East, and Central, are one of the four locations they can put me in. At my interview I requested Central London, specifically, short term assessments. Basically, I do NOT want to do child protection services. I cant be with a family for years and see the same shit over and over again. I want to be in and out. So, I chose the equal of investigations. 45 days is max my case will be open. I will be first on scene after an abuse allegation, I'll determine if there is abuse, i'll determine what the services will be. I LOVE IT. Anyone that knows me and my work ethic, I NEED to be in charge. I hate having a boss over me, and if I do, I have havign a boss that micromanages every little thing. The way I see it, if I was hired for a job, LET ME DO MY DAMN JOB. I'm competent enough to ask for help if I need it, and if I dont ask for help, DONT HELP ME.
Ok back to the point. The contract stated that my location was to be determined, which means that they had not given me my preference in job type. The only place for the Assessments team is Central Croydon. If they send me to protective services, I can be placed in North or South Croydon. The third issue is that they put a statement about getting a car. I specifically stated in my interview I will not get a car. I am dead set on this because the first agency told us the same thing. One girl that is already in Herefordshire was told she had to get a car and is now paying a buttload of money to get one, learn how to drive there [remember, they are on the oppostie side of the road and its all stick].
I replied with the above issues, and I swear, within 20 minutes I had a revised contract in my inbox, with it stating that I will be working in Assessments, in Central Croydon, will not be required to get a car and will use the train [Tube, metro].
Their speed and organization is such a breath of fresh air and I am so extremely happy to work with this staffing agency. Reed is absolutely the best.
What I think is a barrier can also be a lifesaver. Two weeks ago my staffing rep told me that before I apply for my entry Visa, I need to show 3 months of consecutive funds equal or greater than $1200, to show that I can afford my first month in the UK before my pay comes. I had another crying attack because I JUST spent that amount of money on my car when it broke down. It seemed like I just couldnt get a break. I wanted to use my income tax to pay off my credit cards, but now I had to save it !! THANKFULLY, my return was more than $1200 and I now have that barrier crossed off the list. After thinking more, I decided that when my lease ends [June 15, 2009], if I am not in the UK yet, I am moving in with my brother in Tampa, will use this money I saved to help pay the bills for awhile and look for a job in Tampa. I feel suffocated in Tallahassee and hate every moment that I am here.
However, I will do everything I possibly can to be a social worker in Europe, I dont care what needs to happen, but I WILL get there and nothing will stop me from accomplishing my goal.
My lesson in all this: Do not question why something bad happens, why things wont go your way, why this, why that. God has a plan, trust Him. However, he will only give you the inner strength to get up and try again, but YOU have to go for what you want. Its ok to bitch and moan and cry, but after your self pity session, DO SOMETHING about it. Zip your lips and turn on the engine and get moving.
18 February 2009
Oh my mantra!
I look through your eyes, in your heart, your soul
I can feel the pain that you go through permeating through my body
We sit at eye level, you the giver of your pain
Me, the receiver of your anguish
I can't explain why you have to live this life
But you are here now, and we will get through this together.
-mantra of a counselor.
I can feel the pain that you go through permeating through my body
We sit at eye level, you the giver of your pain
Me, the receiver of your anguish
I can't explain why you have to live this life
But you are here now, and we will get through this together.
-mantra of a counselor.
17 February 2009
Doctor, doctor
As I sat in the waiting room, I felt a mixture of calmness and nervous, a curiousity of what will be said and if any regrets will be thought of afterwards.
The hour went by extremely quickly. Not sure why when I do a session, the clock seems to never move; but when I'm the session, 60 minutes feels more like 5.
Have I really been talking for 60 minutes? About myself? I honestly don't think I've ever done that before. I'm not one to just start babbling about myself and it both annoys me and fascinates me when I meet a person where that is their one great talent.
"So your a social worker too? LCSW?" [Licensed Clinical Social Worker]
"No, MSW"
After the obligatory 'what school, what field, what agency' questions were out the way..
"So what brings you here today?"
The inevitable question... why am I here today? When I was asked by the receptionist what the problem was during my brain fart of "I think I should go to therapy" moment.. I didnt know how to answer... what is my problem? I dont really think I have a major one.. I'm educated, employed, financialy stable, smart, no health problems, no major drug addictions, no crazy relationship problems, a stable future.... what's the problem?
"I dont know really know.. "
Two weeks later [and two weeks ago from today], I'm sitting in an office, on a sofa, surrounded by stuff animals. I chuckled inside. The office was a combination of my office from Children's home society [stuff animals, child friendly zone] and my current office at Refuge House [sofa that has heard more stories and soaked with so many tears I'm surprised it doesnt smell like mildew]. So after the famous lines.. what brings you here today, why do you feel you need counseling..I decided to cut the crap, make the most of my co-pay, and blurt out "im getting flashbacks of my ex while in session with my clients, and it needs to stop."
Ok, so that was my problem. At least, that was the main reason I felt like I needed to talk to someone, and not a supervisor, but another social worker that was completely independent of my work, didnt know me at all [or at least i really hope she doesnt, its crazy how many people know about me in this community, it really surprises and shocks me]. Its extremely difficult to open up to a friend and spill my beans b/c all I can do is think "oh she has no idea. no clue whatsoever."
I really didnt expect to talk for the entire hour...Im surprised by how much I disclosed and how easily she was able to make associations between my actions presently and chapters of my life in the past.
In grad school, I heard over and over again, if you have never been to counseling, how can you identify with your client? Secretly, I was always scared of what would come out in therapy and if I really want to open that Pandora's box of crap that I try so hard to hide.
The process of growth and maturity is knowing when you have a problem and having enough humility to seek guidance and help. I tried ignoring the fact that as my clients spoke there would be quick nanoseconds of an image of my own experience, but when it happened for more than 2 weeks I knew I had to get some things off my chest. A surgeon can't operate on himself; I shouldn't expect to heal my own wounds.
Words of wisdom for the day from yours truly: we all have our issues and hangups but we cant keep blaming other people for our misfortunes. Be responsible for your mental stability and never give up on who you are. Surgeons may need surgery, a dentist may need a tooth pulled, a teacher always gets taught, a doctor always consults; counselors cant always be the gatekeeper of secrets without pouring out some of our own.
Marinate on that.
The hour went by extremely quickly. Not sure why when I do a session, the clock seems to never move; but when I'm the session, 60 minutes feels more like 5.
Have I really been talking for 60 minutes? About myself? I honestly don't think I've ever done that before. I'm not one to just start babbling about myself and it both annoys me and fascinates me when I meet a person where that is their one great talent.
"So your a social worker too? LCSW?" [Licensed Clinical Social Worker]
"No, MSW"
After the obligatory 'what school, what field, what agency' questions were out the way..
"So what brings you here today?"
The inevitable question... why am I here today? When I was asked by the receptionist what the problem was during my brain fart of "I think I should go to therapy" moment.. I didnt know how to answer... what is my problem? I dont really think I have a major one.. I'm educated, employed, financialy stable, smart, no health problems, no major drug addictions, no crazy relationship problems, a stable future.... what's the problem?
"I dont know really know.. "
Two weeks later [and two weeks ago from today], I'm sitting in an office, on a sofa, surrounded by stuff animals. I chuckled inside. The office was a combination of my office from Children's home society [stuff animals, child friendly zone] and my current office at Refuge House [sofa that has heard more stories and soaked with so many tears I'm surprised it doesnt smell like mildew]. So after the famous lines.. what brings you here today, why do you feel you need counseling..I decided to cut the crap, make the most of my co-pay, and blurt out "im getting flashbacks of my ex while in session with my clients, and it needs to stop."
Ok, so that was my problem. At least, that was the main reason I felt like I needed to talk to someone, and not a supervisor, but another social worker that was completely independent of my work, didnt know me at all [or at least i really hope she doesnt, its crazy how many people know about me in this community, it really surprises and shocks me]. Its extremely difficult to open up to a friend and spill my beans b/c all I can do is think "oh she has no idea. no clue whatsoever."
I really didnt expect to talk for the entire hour...Im surprised by how much I disclosed and how easily she was able to make associations between my actions presently and chapters of my life in the past.
In grad school, I heard over and over again, if you have never been to counseling, how can you identify with your client? Secretly, I was always scared of what would come out in therapy and if I really want to open that Pandora's box of crap that I try so hard to hide.
The process of growth and maturity is knowing when you have a problem and having enough humility to seek guidance and help. I tried ignoring the fact that as my clients spoke there would be quick nanoseconds of an image of my own experience, but when it happened for more than 2 weeks I knew I had to get some things off my chest. A surgeon can't operate on himself; I shouldn't expect to heal my own wounds.
Words of wisdom for the day from yours truly: we all have our issues and hangups but we cant keep blaming other people for our misfortunes. Be responsible for your mental stability and never give up on who you are. Surgeons may need surgery, a dentist may need a tooth pulled, a teacher always gets taught, a doctor always consults; counselors cant always be the gatekeeper of secrets without pouring out some of our own.
Marinate on that.
13 February 2009
Untitled
It's difficult to begin a post about a subject that has been both a gift and a curse.
Those words, gift and a curse, has been the epitome of my last two weeks.
I wonder if its possible to be in love and keep the rationale part of your brain on at the same time. I'm surrounded by women involved in unhealthy relationships all day long. The women that I serve at work, and the women that are in my social circle.
I define what I do as a gift because I feel like I can spot an unhealthy relationship a mile away, in a span of 5 seconds. I can easily identify what the problems are and why they are occuring. I can easily figure out if its fixable or just a dead end. I can meet a guy, have one conversation with him, and make an educated decision if I want to continue this converation in the future.
It's also a curse when I see women in my social circle in an unhealthy relationships and that feeling returns, the "itch I cant scratch" feeling. I have to take deep breaths and remember my boundaries. I am there friend, their sister, their confidant; I am not their counselor. I cannot control who she sees and I cannot take off the rose colored glasses and show her the light.
I know the statistics. Just like addiction, one in four women at any given moment will be involved in a relationship where he hits her, threatens her, manipulates her, controls her.
How can she see she is being manipulated when she thinks she should "stick it out" and make it work? It is one of the most difficult things in the world to see someone close to me involved with a man that is abusive and manipulative. It's even more difficult when its not one ONE person, but everytime I turn around, one after the other of my female friends has a man that is just not good to her.
Those words, gift and a curse, has been the epitome of my last two weeks.
I wonder if its possible to be in love and keep the rationale part of your brain on at the same time. I'm surrounded by women involved in unhealthy relationships all day long. The women that I serve at work, and the women that are in my social circle.
I define what I do as a gift because I feel like I can spot an unhealthy relationship a mile away, in a span of 5 seconds. I can easily identify what the problems are and why they are occuring. I can easily figure out if its fixable or just a dead end. I can meet a guy, have one conversation with him, and make an educated decision if I want to continue this converation in the future.
It's also a curse when I see women in my social circle in an unhealthy relationships and that feeling returns, the "itch I cant scratch" feeling. I have to take deep breaths and remember my boundaries. I am there friend, their sister, their confidant; I am not their counselor. I cannot control who she sees and I cannot take off the rose colored glasses and show her the light.
I know the statistics. Just like addiction, one in four women at any given moment will be involved in a relationship where he hits her, threatens her, manipulates her, controls her.
How can she see she is being manipulated when she thinks she should "stick it out" and make it work? It is one of the most difficult things in the world to see someone close to me involved with a man that is abusive and manipulative. It's even more difficult when its not one ONE person, but everytime I turn around, one after the other of my female friends has a man that is just not good to her.
06 February 2009
Why?
The word 'Grief' is synonomous to death, but the stages of Grief is not only applied to mourning the loss of a person/animal.
Personally, I am grieving the inability to use my body to its fullest potential.
In grad school, I took a Loss and Bereavement class. One of our many 15+ papers was to write a paper about.. loss and bereavement, any topic of choice.
At that time, I injured myself physically back to back. Started with a pulled hamstring, then excess fluid in my knee, then spraining my other knee when I fell skating. I was so depressed because I couldnt run anymore, I had to use a ghetto cane to walk, and it took about 15 minutes to go up and down my three flights of stairs. This was in the beginning of 2007.
When it came time to write this paper, I thought long and hard in my own life and tried to see what grief, beyond the grief of a death, I had encountered. Reviewing Kubler-Ross' stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, I realized that I experienced every one of those stages when I couldnt run anymore, much less walk without limping and being in excruciating pain. Even sitting in class was painful. It was like bolts of electricity randomly being jolted into my knee and I would jump and flinch, and then get embarassed when my classmates would turn and look while I pretended to not know what they were looking at.
So, I used my own experience and decided if I was going to spend hours researching and putting this 20 page paper together, I might as well get some personal use out of it. I embarked on my research journey and decided to write my paper on sports injury and grief. Through my research, I realized that I needed to broaden it to just plain ol physical injury and grief. The two most prevalent was sports injury and combat injury.
It hadn't occured to me that another stressor for soldiers that served was the loss of limbs and the grief they were experiencing. They were once the warriors of our country, and now they are confined to two wheels that limit their abilities to freely do as they please like they once did. Whats worse is that some of these soldiers had to beg and plead with the VA to get proper medical treatment. Usually, they were just pumped with pain pills... which leads to addiction. So, now they are limbless and an addict. What does this remind you of? Ever notice the man sitting on the exit of Publix or Walmart with a homeless sign? or the cardboard handwritten note on the back of his wheelchair that says "vietnam vet" ? They got there by serving for our country, and our country makes it extremely difficult for them to try to lead a normal life afterwards.
Vets that come into detox all tell me the same story: "we have to make an appt with the VA two to three weeks in advance just to get evaluated. I need help NOW. I cannot wait that long." Once they have the appointment, it isnt even guaranteed that they can go into treatment. So why is signing up for the military a guarantee that they will serve for their country, but signing up for medical treatment and addiction treatment afterwards isnt? Its all a croc of shit in my opinion. Im persoanlly tired of begging and pleading with the social workers at the VA to provide something for these vets.
However, we at one point in time have seen a basketball or a football game, and rooted for our star player that got injured to heal quickly and get back out there. He may sit out for 2- 3 games, but sure enough he receives the BEST medical treatment and is playing again.
Where have we gone wrong? Where is the justice?
I'm too stubborn to stop running when my strict orders are the specifically stop running until I get my knee surgery. I refuse to let my body dictate what I can do and I feel like I can mentally control the healing of my body. Sounds crazy but I strongly believe in holistic healing. Why is it that I can utilize my insurance company for my surgery, or I can utilize my holistic healer [yes, I have a holistic healer- a hippie-esque woman that fascinates me.]. Why is that these famous players can utilize the best medical treatment out there for their injuries. But, why is it that men and women that serve for our country has to go through wits ends to get proper services from qualifed people??
It just doesnt make any sense.
Personally, I am grieving the inability to use my body to its fullest potential.
In grad school, I took a Loss and Bereavement class. One of our many 15+ papers was to write a paper about.. loss and bereavement, any topic of choice.
At that time, I injured myself physically back to back. Started with a pulled hamstring, then excess fluid in my knee, then spraining my other knee when I fell skating. I was so depressed because I couldnt run anymore, I had to use a ghetto cane to walk, and it took about 15 minutes to go up and down my three flights of stairs. This was in the beginning of 2007.
When it came time to write this paper, I thought long and hard in my own life and tried to see what grief, beyond the grief of a death, I had encountered. Reviewing Kubler-Ross' stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, I realized that I experienced every one of those stages when I couldnt run anymore, much less walk without limping and being in excruciating pain. Even sitting in class was painful. It was like bolts of electricity randomly being jolted into my knee and I would jump and flinch, and then get embarassed when my classmates would turn and look while I pretended to not know what they were looking at.
So, I used my own experience and decided if I was going to spend hours researching and putting this 20 page paper together, I might as well get some personal use out of it. I embarked on my research journey and decided to write my paper on sports injury and grief. Through my research, I realized that I needed to broaden it to just plain ol physical injury and grief. The two most prevalent was sports injury and combat injury.
It hadn't occured to me that another stressor for soldiers that served was the loss of limbs and the grief they were experiencing. They were once the warriors of our country, and now they are confined to two wheels that limit their abilities to freely do as they please like they once did. Whats worse is that some of these soldiers had to beg and plead with the VA to get proper medical treatment. Usually, they were just pumped with pain pills... which leads to addiction. So, now they are limbless and an addict. What does this remind you of? Ever notice the man sitting on the exit of Publix or Walmart with a homeless sign? or the cardboard handwritten note on the back of his wheelchair that says "vietnam vet" ? They got there by serving for our country, and our country makes it extremely difficult for them to try to lead a normal life afterwards.
Vets that come into detox all tell me the same story: "we have to make an appt with the VA two to three weeks in advance just to get evaluated. I need help NOW. I cannot wait that long." Once they have the appointment, it isnt even guaranteed that they can go into treatment. So why is signing up for the military a guarantee that they will serve for their country, but signing up for medical treatment and addiction treatment afterwards isnt? Its all a croc of shit in my opinion. Im persoanlly tired of begging and pleading with the social workers at the VA to provide something for these vets.
However, we at one point in time have seen a basketball or a football game, and rooted for our star player that got injured to heal quickly and get back out there. He may sit out for 2- 3 games, but sure enough he receives the BEST medical treatment and is playing again.
Where have we gone wrong? Where is the justice?
I'm too stubborn to stop running when my strict orders are the specifically stop running until I get my knee surgery. I refuse to let my body dictate what I can do and I feel like I can mentally control the healing of my body. Sounds crazy but I strongly believe in holistic healing. Why is it that I can utilize my insurance company for my surgery, or I can utilize my holistic healer [yes, I have a holistic healer- a hippie-esque woman that fascinates me.]. Why is that these famous players can utilize the best medical treatment out there for their injuries. But, why is it that men and women that serve for our country has to go through wits ends to get proper services from qualifed people??
It just doesnt make any sense.
01 February 2009
It smells like love.
[This is an article I wrote for February 2009 edition of Theta News, the official newsletter for the Lambda Chapter of Theta Nu Xi Multicultural Sorority, Inc. at Florida State University. Visit the website at http://www.fsuthetawomen.com/. Donate money! We are tax deductable. ]Why do we love the men that we love? Like an addiction, who we fall in love with feels like its beyond our control. In a sense, this is somewhat true. William Jankowiak of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas and Edward Fischer of Tulane University studied 166 cultures regarding love. How do we become initially attracted to someone? Have you ever seen ads for perfumes and body oils promoting pheromones-"the scent of attraction! make him yours in one sniff". The former is fact, the latter fiction. Women are more sensitive to pheromones than men, so he should wear cologne to enhance his pheromones, but if you do, it may not necessarily make much of a difference. The odors are emitted by one's major histocompatibility complex [MHC]. Remember MHC-more on this and how birth control affects your mate preference later. The MHC is a reflection of one's immune system and evolutionary speaking, we are attracted to immune systems opposite of ours.
MHC also shows clear differences for certain male body odors. "Different name, same man". During higher estrogen levels, a woman's preference for a dissimilar MHC is at its highest. So how does birth control affect your mate preference? The study found that women on birth control tend to pick men with similar MHC's as their own. If you fall in love with a man while on birth control, then get off it, chances are you'll be looking at him and wonder what attracted him to you in the first place.
Valentine's Day is approaching. For those in a relationship, its a reminder to evaluate your relationship and determine if this man is "evolutionary speaking" good for you. If you're on birth control, you may want to have a test run at it without all the hormones pumping through your body. If you're single and on BC, be weary of the men you pick during this period. You won't be on BC the rest of your life, and you dont necessarily want to make any life altering decisions with a man during this period.
Oh I need you bad..
"This place can't do nothing for me"
"I dont know why I keep coming back, but I'm back. Again"
"I really hope I can go back to who I was when I get discharged."
"Things will be different."
"Oh, I'm not gonna use anymore. Its different this time."
What does it take for an addict to stay sober?
Why cant' they just stop?
Using drugs and alcohol repeatedly over time alters brain chemistry and function.
When's the last time you said, "Hey brain chemistry, lets go ahead and reverse all the damage I've done. I'm done with this phase of my life." I dont know about you, but I've never heard the voice of brain chemistry to know what it sounds like.
Addiction is a brain disease, not a moral issue. Call him a drunk. But don't call him a lazy drunk. If you had cancer and it was in its final stages, do you think you'd be going to work everyday and have energy to eat right and excercise? Will anyone condemn you if you were no longer in remission and the cancer return? No. Addiction is a disease the same way cancer and diabetes is a disease. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital and not have insurance? A soror of mine had her appendix [sp?] removed and her hospital bill for THREE days was $30, 000. A treatment center is staffed with psychiatirst, social workers, nurses, mental health assistants, a board of directors, certified addiction therapists.. who can afford that? Addiction is a disease that tells you you don't have a disease. Why go to the ER if you think you're fine?
Addiction is a disease that impacts 1 in 4 familie. One in four? And I'm only talking about a drug addiction. One in four does not include addictions to porn, gambling, shopping, food.
Drugs and alcohol change the brain-- they change its structure and how it works. Addicts find it difficult to stop because their brain chemistry has changed. It usually takes 3-4 false starts to really begin a sober lifestyle. The brain is "plastic", it has a tremendous capacity to recover, but as we grow older we lose some of the plasticity of the brain necessary for recovery.
So what exactly do drugs to do the brain? It activates the same circuits as do behaviors linked to survival, such as eating, bonding, and sex. The drug causes a surge in levels of of a brain chemical called dopamine, which results in feelings of pleasure. The brain remembers this pelasure and wants it repeated. Dopamine is the reason why a chik-fi-la breakfast chicken bisquit tastes so damn good, why I love platanos, lasagna, and white chunk chocolote macadamia nut cookie. Dopamine is why roller coastesr are so much fun, why we love being around people that make us laugh. However, alcohol-crack- heroin- special k- crystal meth- coke- etc etc.. they lower you baseline dopamine so you now physically need it to even feel "normal".
The same way food, sex, water, is linked to survival in day to day living, drugs begin to take over and become more important in survival than those basic needs. Its no longer taken for pleasure, but for survival and the need to relieve distress. The drive is all that matters, control and choice and everything of that person's morals become compromised, the addiction has taken over, aka, the cancer has spread throughout the entire body. We feel grief for a cancer patient that is dying, we look down on addicts that are dying.
If addiction affects 1in 4, and I have 5 suscribers, to that one person: educate yourself, do not judge, and do not stop loving him or her. Recovery is possible, but being isolated by friends and family doesnt give them a reason to be sober. Support your family though thick and thin, but do not enable them. Words are priceless.
The above facts were taken from Addiction: HBO documentary. Here is the teaser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrutvEFwaFA
Another preview of the documentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoIfSJJBh0E
"I dont know why I keep coming back, but I'm back. Again"
"I really hope I can go back to who I was when I get discharged."
"Things will be different."
"Oh, I'm not gonna use anymore. Its different this time."
What does it take for an addict to stay sober?
Why cant' they just stop?
Using drugs and alcohol repeatedly over time alters brain chemistry and function.
When's the last time you said, "Hey brain chemistry, lets go ahead and reverse all the damage I've done. I'm done with this phase of my life." I dont know about you, but I've never heard the voice of brain chemistry to know what it sounds like.
Addiction is a brain disease, not a moral issue. Call him a drunk. But don't call him a lazy drunk. If you had cancer and it was in its final stages, do you think you'd be going to work everyday and have energy to eat right and excercise? Will anyone condemn you if you were no longer in remission and the cancer return? No. Addiction is a disease the same way cancer and diabetes is a disease. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital and not have insurance? A soror of mine had her appendix [sp?] removed and her hospital bill for THREE days was $30, 000. A treatment center is staffed with psychiatirst, social workers, nurses, mental health assistants, a board of directors, certified addiction therapists.. who can afford that? Addiction is a disease that tells you you don't have a disease. Why go to the ER if you think you're fine?
Addiction is a disease that impacts 1 in 4 familie. One in four? And I'm only talking about a drug addiction. One in four does not include addictions to porn, gambling, shopping, food.
Drugs and alcohol change the brain-- they change its structure and how it works. Addicts find it difficult to stop because their brain chemistry has changed. It usually takes 3-4 false starts to really begin a sober lifestyle. The brain is "plastic", it has a tremendous capacity to recover, but as we grow older we lose some of the plasticity of the brain necessary for recovery.
So what exactly do drugs to do the brain? It activates the same circuits as do behaviors linked to survival, such as eating, bonding, and sex. The drug causes a surge in levels of of a brain chemical called dopamine, which results in feelings of pleasure. The brain remembers this pelasure and wants it repeated. Dopamine is the reason why a chik-fi-la breakfast chicken bisquit tastes so damn good, why I love platanos, lasagna, and white chunk chocolote macadamia nut cookie. Dopamine is why roller coastesr are so much fun, why we love being around people that make us laugh. However, alcohol-crack- heroin- special k- crystal meth- coke- etc etc.. they lower you baseline dopamine so you now physically need it to even feel "normal".
The same way food, sex, water, is linked to survival in day to day living, drugs begin to take over and become more important in survival than those basic needs. Its no longer taken for pleasure, but for survival and the need to relieve distress. The drive is all that matters, control and choice and everything of that person's morals become compromised, the addiction has taken over, aka, the cancer has spread throughout the entire body. We feel grief for a cancer patient that is dying, we look down on addicts that are dying.
If addiction affects 1in 4, and I have 5 suscribers, to that one person: educate yourself, do not judge, and do not stop loving him or her. Recovery is possible, but being isolated by friends and family doesnt give them a reason to be sober. Support your family though thick and thin, but do not enable them. Words are priceless.
The above facts were taken from Addiction: HBO documentary. Here is the teaser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrutvEFwaFA
Another preview of the documentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoIfSJJBh0E
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