2010.. what can I say about you other than you have tested me repeatedly, beyond what I cared to be tested. There were no study guides available, there were no notifications that a test was coming. Shit, I didn’t even realize I was being tested until the aftermath. The problems with the tests of life is that there is no one to say if I passed or failed and if possible, can I re-take it?
2010…you started me off on a very rocky ledge. Within days of entering your year, my whole life was about to change when I found out I was expecting. However, for whatever reason, you changed your mind and no longer was I filled with life, but filled with confusion, sadness, regret. You tested my resilience. Did I pass? The verdict is still out on that one, but I think I did..
The next test was the test of Faith. I had nothing else to go on but Faith that I was not going to fall off that mountain in Morocco! I remember my heart beating in my throat, my palms grasping the edge of the mountain and my foot trying to find the sturdy rock to jump on. I can see Stacey, Chad, our guide, internally praying that I was not going to fall. I don’t know how I didn’t have a heart attack at that moment, I don’t know how the rock managed to not fall off the side of the mountain, but I managed to jump off it and land on two feet. Not only did that moment test my Faith, but it also reminded me to not take myself so seriously as I tripped and fell, going down the stairs shortly after! I was destined to fall, but I was destined to only fall as far as I can get back up.
2010…you then tested my Hope. I had no intention of only moving to London for a year and half, but as I have come to learn, the plans are not written by my hand. I just had to Hope and pray that returning back to the States was the best thing for my self-preservation and future. I’m still trying to decide if I made the right decision but I have not given up Hope that the decision was made with an open mind,
However, this blog is not about me now is it? Well not fully, this blog is about my professional self. Besides being tested personally, 2010, you have also tested me professionally. You tested my commitment to this field I entered called Social Work. You tested my commitment in more ways than one. Not only did I leave a country because the profession of Social Work was in the dirts in the UK, but you tested my advocacy towards the people. When asked, in a recent current employment in the States, if my loyalty is to the agency or the people they serve, (which they are supposed to be one and the same correct?) I could not go against my convictions and choose the agency. At one point a few months back I was ready to walk away from my profession, and now, I found myself sitting across from an incompetent Exec Director, making me choose between unethical practice or ethical practice. It was a no brainer. I chose my career over her business practice.
It is interesting how everything has managed to work itself out. 2010, this has surely been a year of growth, humility, strength, finding myself. I am a young 27 year old female with so much more to learn and experience. As many lessons as I have learned this year about myself, true friendship, love, career, family, I am not sad to see this year go. Its time to start a new leaf.
So, I have already begun working on my professional goals for 2011: LCSW. I have learned that I do not do well with incompetent authority figures, so I need to be my own boss, do my own thing, and work under individuals that are strong, determined, and dedicated to their profession as I am.
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