Why do I love counseling?
Let me count the ways
I love thee till the breadth and width of my knowledge
I love thee because I can see improvement, growth, and recovery
I love thee like I love cheddar cheese,
Too much can cause sickness, just enough, is fulfilling.
I love thee because I have control over what I do
You give me the flexibility to do my own research
Make my own modules, see who I want to see, when I want to see, and for how long.
I love thee because my heart fills with joy when you walk in my office and i see you smiling
I see your hair done, I see your clothes pressed, I see the aura about you.
Why do I love counseling?
Let me explain
I remember you coming into my office, depressed, at wits end, with no more rope left to hang on to
I love thee because you put all your strength into your recovery, and you see results
I love thee because i am making a purpose in your life, but I am not THE purpose of your life.
I love thee because you don't know how resilient you are and I can help you reach your fullest potential.
You make me happy to wake up
You fulfill my desire to heal wounds
You give me purpose.
I love thee because you are not my job, you are my life.
Through you, I have healed from my own pain
I have learned so much about myself, not by hearing, but by listening.
Through you, I have grown.
I am more confident
I am am fulfilled.
I love thee because I never thought I could do it
But you came into my life, changed me as a person, and left me feeling better than I have ever felt.
30 January 2009
28 January 2009
A Bay Bay
What people don't understand about being a social worker, is that we hear and see so much injustice, that it becomes numbing. There were a couple of times that I questioned God; why cant my foster baby be blessed with a loving family? why did this man go until age 40 before he tried his first drug, crack, and now he's lost it all? why was this woman given 4 abusive husbands, one that almost killed her? They all ask me, and I wish one day I could give them an answer.
But just when I think I've heard it all...if you're a social worker, I know you've said that too.. just when you think you've heard it all..
I've had the advantage of working at different agencies with different populations. I started in child welfare, transitioned to adult mental health, and currently working in addiction and family violence. If anyone is ever considering a field in social work, you have to start in child welfare, its almost like the "haze" of this profession. You learn SO much, but your treated like crap, you have to memorize a whole bunch of laws and policies, and you cry at least once. You come out smarter, with more confidence, and knowing that if you did THAT, you could do anything !
The difference with what I do now, and what I did in child welfare, is that what I hear is being said by an adult. In child welfare, I never counseled the children so i never brought that up, I left that for the therapist. Everythinng I knew was in court documents that I wrote over and over again, which allowed me to maintain my sanity.. for a while at least. If I had to hear from the 40+ children I had on my case load the abuse they endured everytime Isaw them, I wouldnt have survived it.
But, just when I heard it all, I hear my new client's story and I cried inside. Its been about 6 montsh since I've last felt sympathy for a client [sympathy: bad; empathy: good]. Hearing about the degradation she received as a child brought me all the way back to my last month doing child welfare when my spirit and faith were broken because of all the horrid things my children in my caseload endured. My spirit was broken not necessarily because of what happened at home, but because my agency did more damage than good most of the time. It felt extremely unethical to leave a child in a foster home worse than their own home. Its a feeling like your hands are tied behind your back and you have to scratch your nose so bad you feel like its gonna rip a whole in your skin.
Today, I participated in United Way's Advocate @ Lunch program that was created by United Way's For Young Leaders Only here in Tallahassee. FYLO is a network for young professionals in the area to network with other young professionals [and scope out sexy men in suits-- thats a great motivation!]. This month, we read to children at DickHowser learning center. Myself and this guy named Q, read to six four year olds and let me tell you, it was extremely refreshing to be around four year olds. They were inquisitive, friendly, funny, cute. It warmed my heart. After what I heard yesterday, I am glad I did this today to compensate.
Well I have writers block now, so this post wont get a quippy ending.
But just when I think I've heard it all...if you're a social worker, I know you've said that too.. just when you think you've heard it all..
I've had the advantage of working at different agencies with different populations. I started in child welfare, transitioned to adult mental health, and currently working in addiction and family violence. If anyone is ever considering a field in social work, you have to start in child welfare, its almost like the "haze" of this profession. You learn SO much, but your treated like crap, you have to memorize a whole bunch of laws and policies, and you cry at least once. You come out smarter, with more confidence, and knowing that if you did THAT, you could do anything !
The difference with what I do now, and what I did in child welfare, is that what I hear is being said by an adult. In child welfare, I never counseled the children so i never brought that up, I left that for the therapist. Everythinng I knew was in court documents that I wrote over and over again, which allowed me to maintain my sanity.. for a while at least. If I had to hear from the 40+ children I had on my case load the abuse they endured everytime Isaw them, I wouldnt have survived it.
But, just when I heard it all, I hear my new client's story and I cried inside. Its been about 6 montsh since I've last felt sympathy for a client [sympathy: bad; empathy: good]. Hearing about the degradation she received as a child brought me all the way back to my last month doing child welfare when my spirit and faith were broken because of all the horrid things my children in my caseload endured. My spirit was broken not necessarily because of what happened at home, but because my agency did more damage than good most of the time. It felt extremely unethical to leave a child in a foster home worse than their own home. Its a feeling like your hands are tied behind your back and you have to scratch your nose so bad you feel like its gonna rip a whole in your skin.
Today, I participated in United Way's Advocate @ Lunch program that was created by United Way's For Young Leaders Only here in Tallahassee. FYLO is a network for young professionals in the area to network with other young professionals [and scope out sexy men in suits-- thats a great motivation!]. This month, we read to children at DickHowser learning center. Myself and this guy named Q, read to six four year olds and let me tell you, it was extremely refreshing to be around four year olds. They were inquisitive, friendly, funny, cute. It warmed my heart. After what I heard yesterday, I am glad I did this today to compensate.Well I have writers block now, so this post wont get a quippy ending.
25 January 2009
C=MD
C=MD.
One of the nurses at Detox today was discussing a client, an alcoholic, whom failed his bar exam, his wife is now divorcing him, and he is living back at home with his parents. His advice to him was: "TAKE IT AGAIN" Get off the pity boat, open the books again, and try again. The nurse gave him this quote: "C=MD". In medical school, all you need is a C to pass. [The validity of this is beyond me, I dont care enough to find out if it this is true or not].
This quick converation that is still occuring as I type this got me to thinking the resiliency levels that people have. Let me compare two clients. One is homeless, has been for a majority part of his life. He is in and out of detox the same way you and I are in and out of Publix. If you see him on the streets, you probably wouldnt even notice him because in your eyes, he is just another homeless man. Even now as I type this, one of the nurses was looking for his chart [that is sitting next to me, meaning, I should be working instead but when inspiration calls, I write]. Anyways, he is lookin for his chart and what comes out of his mouth? "OH Him again, let me guess, he's here for alcohol?" WELL DUH. Imagine if YOU were homeless, its freezing outside, you have no place to sleep, no family, no friends, and the only thing that can keep you from the daily reminders of your crappy existence is alcohol. The average person drinks when they had a hard day at work, because its friday, because its time to celebrate.. so many reasons. This man's reason is because he does not want to think, feel, KNOW that he fucked up somewhere. Yet, he smiles. Every time I see him, he smiles and he says Please and Thank You.
The other client? I dont know his entire life story but I bet, like we all do, that we are better than the homeless people that panhandle and sleep on the streets. However, this man's resiliency was so low that failing the bar exam caused such an upheavel in his life. When he told me he failed it, my internal reaction was, "SO WHAT? Take it again!!!!" But Ms. MSW used my 60k in loans education and used cognitive behavioral therapy to try to reframe his mode of thinking.
These two men are both alcoholics. They both come from such difference socioeconomic classes, one has a family, the other doesnt. However, homeless man gets my respect. Why? Because he doesn't allow the shitty life he was given to interfere with his ability to still respect people. He smiles, he is polite, he asks how your day is going, he values the human life. Whereas other people are too self absorbed to realize anything beyond what they see in the mirror.
Im going on tangent, I realized that, but its my blog so, so what?
I guess the theme of this post is: get over yourself. We all have our shitty moments, we all have our proud moments. But regardless of how crappy you think your life is, SMILE, say PLEASE and THANK YOU and never, ever, forget to be grateful for all that you do have.
One of the nurses at Detox today was discussing a client, an alcoholic, whom failed his bar exam, his wife is now divorcing him, and he is living back at home with his parents. His advice to him was: "TAKE IT AGAIN" Get off the pity boat, open the books again, and try again. The nurse gave him this quote: "C=MD". In medical school, all you need is a C to pass. [The validity of this is beyond me, I dont care enough to find out if it this is true or not].
This quick converation that is still occuring as I type this got me to thinking the resiliency levels that people have. Let me compare two clients. One is homeless, has been for a majority part of his life. He is in and out of detox the same way you and I are in and out of Publix. If you see him on the streets, you probably wouldnt even notice him because in your eyes, he is just another homeless man. Even now as I type this, one of the nurses was looking for his chart [that is sitting next to me, meaning, I should be working instead but when inspiration calls, I write]. Anyways, he is lookin for his chart and what comes out of his mouth? "OH Him again, let me guess, he's here for alcohol?" WELL DUH. Imagine if YOU were homeless, its freezing outside, you have no place to sleep, no family, no friends, and the only thing that can keep you from the daily reminders of your crappy existence is alcohol. The average person drinks when they had a hard day at work, because its friday, because its time to celebrate.. so many reasons. This man's reason is because he does not want to think, feel, KNOW that he fucked up somewhere. Yet, he smiles. Every time I see him, he smiles and he says Please and Thank You.
The other client? I dont know his entire life story but I bet, like we all do, that we are better than the homeless people that panhandle and sleep on the streets. However, this man's resiliency was so low that failing the bar exam caused such an upheavel in his life. When he told me he failed it, my internal reaction was, "SO WHAT? Take it again!!!!" But Ms. MSW used my 60k in loans education and used cognitive behavioral therapy to try to reframe his mode of thinking.
These two men are both alcoholics. They both come from such difference socioeconomic classes, one has a family, the other doesnt. However, homeless man gets my respect. Why? Because he doesn't allow the shitty life he was given to interfere with his ability to still respect people. He smiles, he is polite, he asks how your day is going, he values the human life. Whereas other people are too self absorbed to realize anything beyond what they see in the mirror.
Im going on tangent, I realized that, but its my blog so, so what?
I guess the theme of this post is: get over yourself. We all have our shitty moments, we all have our proud moments. But regardless of how crappy you think your life is, SMILE, say PLEASE and THANK YOU and never, ever, forget to be grateful for all that you do have.
22 January 2009
Phineas who?
Phineas Gage. A name I have not heard of in a couple of years. All the psychology bumheads out there know exactly who this is.
Are accidents really just accidents, or can they serve some sort of life-altering purpose?
Mr. Gage had a freak accident at work, where a steel bar fell and went right through his frontal lobe [the front part of your brain]. Mr. Gage survived, but the tremendous personality change he experienced due to this accident led to studying the different parts of the brain and what exactly they affect. Through Phineas Gage's accident, it was discovered that the frontal lobe affects personality, aggression, empathy, basic social skills. Phineas went from being a loving family man to a raging aggressive man.
Terrible accident that added to the history of psychology.
Ok, so whats the point? I heard this name again today from a friend that is taking an intro psych class at FSU and it brought back such immense feelings, like hearing from a past love that you still kinda love but will never admit.
I love what I do, no doubt. I feel such satisfaction to see the women I serve re-collect themselves again after leaving their asshole husbands/boyfriends, [or to put it a bit more politically correct- I'm a domestic violence counselor].
However, I know I could not be such an amazing counselor without my background in psych. Sometimes I wish I would have continued with psych, but I know I was turned off to the entire field by a negative man in my life-- my accient.
Going back to where it all started... are accidents really "just accidents".
This time last year I got a job offer in Herefordshire, UK to be a social worker. Sounds amazing right??
One year later, I'm STILL in the US. It's like dangling that pipe in front of a crack heads face. Boy, did I go to mass one Sunday PISSED OFF. After 8 months of going through the disorganization of PULSE STAFFING AGENCY [yea I said it !!! ] I vented and bitched at God and finally accepted the fact that another year of my life would be in Tallahassee.
Just an accident? Really?
.... I got another job offer in the UK, but this time in London!! Everything in me is sayin Yes Yes Yes, this time, it will happen. But I'm keeping my mouth shut, not really telling many people about it [ironic that I'm blogging, but really, how many people will read this? Probably those that are close enough to me that already know I got the job].
So, my man Phinny.. he will never know what he gave to the world of psychology. He will always think he was shitted on by life to have a steel rod pierce his face and caused him to lose his family.
There are no accidents.
Are accidents really just accidents, or can they serve some sort of life-altering purpose?
Mr. Gage had a freak accident at work, where a steel bar fell and went right through his frontal lobe [the front part of your brain]. Mr. Gage survived, but the tremendous personality change he experienced due to this accident led to studying the different parts of the brain and what exactly they affect. Through Phineas Gage's accident, it was discovered that the frontal lobe affects personality, aggression, empathy, basic social skills. Phineas went from being a loving family man to a raging aggressive man.
Terrible accident that added to the history of psychology.
Ok, so whats the point? I heard this name again today from a friend that is taking an intro psych class at FSU and it brought back such immense feelings, like hearing from a past love that you still kinda love but will never admit.
I love what I do, no doubt. I feel such satisfaction to see the women I serve re-collect themselves again after leaving their asshole husbands/boyfriends, [or to put it a bit more politically correct- I'm a domestic violence counselor].
However, I know I could not be such an amazing counselor without my background in psych. Sometimes I wish I would have continued with psych, but I know I was turned off to the entire field by a negative man in my life-- my accient.
Going back to where it all started... are accidents really "just accidents".
This time last year I got a job offer in Herefordshire, UK to be a social worker. Sounds amazing right??
One year later, I'm STILL in the US. It's like dangling that pipe in front of a crack heads face. Boy, did I go to mass one Sunday PISSED OFF. After 8 months of going through the disorganization of PULSE STAFFING AGENCY [yea I said it !!! ] I vented and bitched at God and finally accepted the fact that another year of my life would be in Tallahassee.
Just an accident? Really?
.... I got another job offer in the UK, but this time in London!! Everything in me is sayin Yes Yes Yes, this time, it will happen. But I'm keeping my mouth shut, not really telling many people about it [ironic that I'm blogging, but really, how many people will read this? Probably those that are close enough to me that already know I got the job].
So, my man Phinny.. he will never know what he gave to the world of psychology. He will always think he was shitted on by life to have a steel rod pierce his face and caused him to lose his family.
There are no accidents.
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