You're such a bitch

There once was a time that I had a filter in my mouth. Only good came out, negative stayed in. As I grew older both personally and professionally I have learned that only giving people good advice was cutting it short. To me, people do need to hear accolades when its due, but they also need to hear their shortfallings to avoid living a fake life. I dont necesarily know when this blunt-ness started in me. Maybe it was that crappy relationship.. maybe its from being a social worker.. I dont know. One of the things we social workers learn in graduate school is to never give advice to our clients; help them find their own way to awareness so it empowers them and strengthens them. What I have found is that since I spend all day biting my tounge, as soon as that work day is done I spend the rest of the day not holding anything back. If I really like you, I tell you all the time. If I think you are being an ass, I'll tell you. If I find a discrepency in your story, Ill point it out. If I know your lying and I can prove it, I will. I can't really control it until its out of my mouth and then I feel extremely guilty because I know I went too far. I dont know if I have burned any bridges in my friendships because people will never really tell me [or anyone for that matter I think] if something that was done hurt their feelings, even if I ask and I know I have. To be polite, they just say no everything is fine. But, isnt that impolite in itself? I think I may be too rash and blunt, but no one really tells me if what I said hurt them to know for a fact. Why is being honest, both with how much we love or like a person, to how much we hurt them or they hurt us something that humans just dont do anymore?

Resurrection

I've been sitting in front of my laptop for about 5 minutes wondering how I will star this blog...I should feel excited and nervous right? After all, I'm leaving everything familiar and moving to the unfamiliar. I'm starting from scratch from my friendships down to electronics.

I am comparing this departure to my last major departure: college. I was fine and dandy the entire time until the very last second when my family left my dorm and my little sister was balling. This time around, that little sister is in school, as we speak, taking an AP exam that last four hours.. Needless to say she won't be at the airport. Curse the brains of this family. Its both a gift and an inconvenience at times.

Excited? A very small somewhat on that one. I need to stay focused.. don't want to lose or miss something because my excitement has taken over the rationale part of my brain. Excitement is good, dont get me wrong. But excitement is emotions. I need to leave the emotions at the door and stay focused. I need to focus my energies on finding a permanent home, remembering all my co-workers names and titles, learning UK child welfare laws, being comfortable at my new job, and finally making my flat into a cozy home. Once I have all that down, then I will be excited. I am giving myself a month. I adapt very quickly, I am very resilient, and I learn a new job extremely fast so a month to adapt to my job and surroundings should suffice.

Am I nervous? I'm not nervous in the sense of how will they see me, but I'm nervous in that until everything is second nature to me, I will feel like I am not doing it right.

Today is the day where I will finally be on that plane going to London. This journey has been an extremely difficult process. I am so thankful to everyone that has helped me along the way. From my family that has helped with words and finances, to my sorors that have helped by getting me drunk and partying it up when I was feeling depressed about it.

Find me on skype: elenas310@yahoo.com
I'm also on twitter: wwww.twitter.com/elenas310

Until next time...

Internal Instincts

Sometimes I feel like my clients take me for a fool. Yes, I do not fall within their age bracket. Yes, my family life may not have been as horrendous as theirs. But I feel that I can use my common sense, education, and work and personal experience to filter out the bullshit and get to the root of the problem. I have two types of counseling "hats". The first are for clients that are still in denial. Denial is NOT a bad thing. Denial is a protective factor and is needed for people that would have a nervous breakdown if that denial mask was taken away. For my clients in denial, I very cautiously and carefully get their life story, their current problems, how they are coping. If this is the first time they have told their story, I might slowly take away one layer of denial, but i wont shatter their fantasy existence by saying "HEY IDIOT he's beating you" or "HELLO you are an addict, admit it". Of course this is what I say internally, not something I would EVER say outloud.

My next counseling cap is the straightforward-ness. I only use this after I've had a client for awhile I know this is what they need. I may also use this if I feel like this person may not come back. For example, a woman who doesnt see the big deal that her bf put a gun to her head may need me to be straightforward with her. She may need that denial mask ripped off immediately because her life is at stake.

What also baffles me are "normal" people. By "normal" people I mean people that are NOT my clients. They think that what I do for a living turns off once I leave work. I'm sorry to say, but I am a social worker 24/7 a week. There was a point that I hated this and I wanted to leave it at work, but i've learned to leave my CLIENTS at work, but unfortunately, my intuition and social worker eye will always be on. I see a woman with bruises. I know its defense bruises. I know what finger print bruises look like. I know what a slap in the back bruise looks like. I know what a "Clumsy bruise" looks like [coming from an expert in clumsiness]. Please dont sit there and tell me you are having problems with your man, and I ask you about bruises, and you stutter and stammer and tell me you are just clumsy. Get off it. But, I wont take off her denial hat. She may need it. I won't ever take someone's "Ah-Ha" moment away from them. The "ah-ha" moment is the moment your denial cap comes off and you see your relationship for what it is. You see your addiction for what it is. You see the mess that your life has been in for what it is. My job is not to give my client's their "ah-ha" moment, but to help them get there and to help them not loose too much of themselves in the process.

Knightly In Graphic Domestic Violence PSA

[I cant bring myself to watch this video yet but eventually I will]



http://www.news4jax.com/entertainment/19085893/detail.html/

Knightly In Graphic Domestic Violence PSA
Actress Speaks Up For U.K. Women's Aid Group

POSTED: Friday, April 3, 2009
UPDATED: 12:08 pm EDT April 3, 2009

British actress Keira Knightly is taking on domestic violence at home by participating in a graphic public service announcement.

The PSA, titled "Cut," is posted online (warning: violent content) and is playing on television and in theaters in the U.K. At the beginning of the two-minute film, Knightly appears as an actress who returns home to her apartment to find a blood-stained apartment with a shattered mirror.

A male co-star then appears with a bloodied hand, and just as Knightly looks into the camera and says, "Sorry, we didn't agree to that -- it wasn't in the script," he strikes her to the ground. The actor then proceeds to grab her by the hair and kick her in the stomach several times.

As the camera pulls back to reveal a movie set, the words appear on the screen, "Isn't it time someone called cut?"

The PSA was produced by the U.K. anti-domestic violence group Women's Aid.

"I wanted to take part in this advert for Women's Aid because while domestic violence exists in every section of society, we rarely hear about it," Knightly said in a statement on the group's site. "We may not think we know someone who has experienced domestic violence, but this does not mean that it is not happening. Domestic violence affects one in four women at some point in their lifetime and kills two women every week. Without the services provided by Women's Aid, many more women could be at risk of being killed, yet without donations the charity may not exist this time next year."

The 24-year-old actress also asks for donations to the group "to help save lives."

Knightly has starred in all three "Pirates of the Caribbean" films and the Best Picture nominee "Atonement." She also was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for "Pride & Prejudice."

"Cut" was directed by "Atonement" and "Pride & Prejudice" filmmaker Joe Wright.

Women's Aid is a national domestic violence charity that co-ordinates and supports an England-wide network of over 500 local services working to end domestic violence against women and children.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

http://www.cutmovie.co.uk/index_2.html

Mi Vida Loca

Yesterday morning I got a confirmation e-mail from my contacts abroad to begin making arrangements to arrive in London May 5th-6th. That date has always been on my mind, but it didn't dawn on me until I looked at my calendar that its four weeks away!! I am excited about being there, but then my mind went 5000 miles a minute: my car, my bills, selling my furniture, what should I keep, what should I sell, what should I throw away? Who should I tell, do I tell my family yet? What will they say? I told some friends. When should I give my notice at work? Is this a right decision? What about housing, I want to take my spices [have about 50 cooking spices but maybe I shouldnt] ahhh its so overwhelming, and exciting.

All I know is that I am ready to begin my life in London. I will still be a social worker, specifically in child welfare. My responsibility is the equivilant of child protective investigations in the states which is what I preferred. In and out in 45 days or less. No harboring families for months and years hoping they will change. No more let downs. No attachments. No ON CALL!!!!! They have a separate program that does on call which is beautiful. Once I leave work at 5pm, I am DONE.

My work permit is set for 3 years, with the option of re-applying when my contract ends. Of everyone I have met on community boards and chat rooms, all the Americans stayed and have been there for over 20 years. I can definitely see myself as a Briton. Living a lifestyle where my position is revered, there is culture, diversity, something diffrent to do everyday, easy chance of travel. I learned about myself that I crave consistency in a person, but need diversity in my life.

I am ready for this change. I feel like my Life in Europe will by my ADULT life and I am ready to put my college years behind me.

Peace of Mind

This is a great song that explains how a domestic violence relationship can make a person feel, its after effects, and the joy it is to have a loving man in your life. Please listen to the lyrics.

Dominican/Peruvian/American/Briton

In case anyone wonders why I want to live in the UK


- social reasons: it's a multi-cultural society, highly tolerant of all lifestyles and has low rates of crime.


- employment factors: low unemployment rate (still under 5%), high job turnover rate creating opportunities, typical work week of 35 hours, generous leave, statutory maternity and paternity benefits, 12 public holidays and good salaries.


- economic criteria: 4th largest economy, a strong currency, low inflation (3%), the world's most even distribution of wealth and surprisingly low taxes.


- cultural wants: cultural and historical activities and sites galore; international travel is cheap and easy.


- education needs: sophisticated world-leading education facilities; world famous universities; free state schools attended by over 90% of school-age children with the balance attending private schools.


- healthcare concerns: world-class free healthcare system available to all.


- welfare: a large welfare system to help you out if one of life's disasters befalls you.